Tomorrow, actually, is the two month milestone. I already miss his former tiny-ness – it goes so quickly. Okay, everybody, you’ve been asking, and I had no idea it is such a hot button issue; but, yes, I am breastfeeding him. Apparently that’s how you get an uber-baby: he is huge, though not as large as I was. He’s 12 pounds already, and he has an appointment on Monday. He will probably be 13 by then. I think Josh is giving him miracle grow as a snack when I am trying to bathe. Which is another thing for which there is hardly any time… Once I took long leisurely showers and the most exquisite baths, but now they are purely utilitarian… no real relaxing. C’est la vie. Okay, back to the topic at hand: people are quite polarized about how to feed their children. Quoting tribeswomen and throwing bottles at one another, it can get really dangerous out there. To tell the truth, I do both. The best advice I ever got was always keep a bottle and formula on hand. Especially when you leave the house because there are times in this day and age that you can’t just whip it out and shove it in his mouth. “Where?”, you ask: like in the car, namely, or in the middle of a restaurant that has the skuzziest bathroom you have ever seen and you have yet to master the stealth feeding techniques that take time to learn from all the breast gurus out there (yeah, you know who you are). And would you really want to eat in some of those bathrooms? Eew!

Another thing for the future moms out there: yes, sometimes it hurts; but only if you are doing it wrong or if you have an infection. Oh yeah, you didn’t know you could get an infection in your breasts, did you? Neither did I until it happened to me. They get hot and swell. Then there is the big red spot that looks like you got punched in the boob, and it hurts to nurse. You call the doctor, and they say, “Oh yeah, you have Mastitis” like “you silly woman, didn’t you know?”.

“You can come in later today; and, until then, massage the affected area, soak it in warm water, and nurse from the sore one first”, they’ll conclude. Can you believe this advice? What are they thinking? And will it fall off? I can’t go on with one boob: I would look like an extra from Total Recall! No worries – it does not fall off. And the infection goes away with antibiotics. But you can get the infection again and again and again… You get the picture.

Breast pads – everyone has their favorites: disposables, throw-aways, toilet paper… I hate them all. And I hate my bra, too, with its convertible attitude. “Hey, I can let my top down!”

“Yeah, well I don’t care. I want lace and color and wire to hold these bad boys up!” (wire can give you Mastitis) One day… one day. It’s all worth it though. Being able to feed your child from your own body is the best gift I have ever been given.